Wednesday, February 3, 2010

well, i'm 15 weeks pregnant today. yay!  several people at church told me that i don't even look pregnant (oh how i love them!). but i know i've gained about 8 lbs. (i first lost about 5, then gained 13, but overall have gained 8) and all my pants are getting tight.

the past few nights have been really rough. i wake up all the time with different parts of my body aching and i get up to go to the bathroom at least once every night (i don't think there's been a night since november that i haven't gotten up...) but anyways, i guess God is just training me for waking up to take care of the baby soon. and that is quite alright.

and then i woke up this morning in tears because i know that our lives are going to change so much this year. don't get me wrong. i have always wanted to be a momma. and i'm SUPER EXCITED that i'm going to be one. but, for some reason, i got all weepy and sentimental this morning. this chapter of our lives is going to come to an end. the chapter that i was prepared to be only a year long (should our birth control not work or something) when we got married, that has turned into an almost 8 year journey. the chapter of it just being me and dave with no is soon to be over. and even though there have been times that i wanted nothing more than for this chapter to be over, now that it is closing, i'm sad. and i'm afraid that i'm too selfish, too set in my ways, too used to being spontaneous or independent or ...too fill-in-the-blank to be a good mom. these emotions are so weird and surprising to me.

and i want to go on one last vacation with david before we have our baby. we're talking about when we can do that. not sure if it will work out, etc. not only with time off work but financially. and even though i'm turbo saver, i want to go on this trip no matter what.


  1. Well chalk your emotions and worries and everything you are feeling to your hormones! Yes it's sad to think about your life changing and you can no longer do things on the fly (although, sometimes you can!) It will be an adjustment, but honestly, having kids it's so rewarding and it seems like we've always had our kids, they just fit into our lives so easily we forgot what it was like to not have them! I'm thinking you will feel this way soon too!

    and yes! take a vacation, just you and Dave, it's something you need! I know you are a super saver, but really, you only live once and taking a vacation and spending some money is NOT GOING TO KILL YOU!!! (tell Dave that! haha!) Pray about it and God will support you financially for that! I know it! The time away will give you the "closure" of losing your status as just you and Dave as a family and will give you that time alone to connect and get excited about your "new" family that is going to come!

    I'm so excited for you and can't wait to see your belly grow--and 8lbs is good! don't forget to update the on the belly shots :)

  2. I remember looking at your abdomen yesterday and thinking, "she doesn't look pregnant yet". It doesn't even look like you have gained anything! You look smashing!

    As for your life changing, it is upsetting to look at how things are and the change that is coming. I remember my emotions when I was pregnant with Orion. However, I am sure that when you first lay your eyes on that little blessing - you won't want to imagine your life any other way. I speak from experience.

    I have no doubt you will be a great mom!