well, i'm 15 weeks pregnant today. yay! several people at church told me that i don't even look pregnant (oh how i love them!). but i know i've gained about 8 lbs. (i first lost about 5, then gained 13, but overall have gained 8) and all my pants are getting tight.
the past few nights have been really rough. i wake up all the time with different parts of my body aching and i get up to go to the bathroom at least once every night (i don't think there's been a night since november that i haven't gotten up...) but anyways, i guess God is just training me for waking up to take care of the baby soon. and that is quite alright.
and then i woke up this morning in tears because i know that our lives are going to change so much this year. don't get me wrong. i have always wanted to be a momma. and i'm SUPER EXCITED that i'm going to be one. but, for some reason, i got all weepy and sentimental this morning. this chapter of our lives is going to come to an end. the chapter that i was prepared to be only a year long (should our birth control not work or something) when we got married, that has turned into an almost 8 year journey. the chapter of it just being me and dave with no children...it is soon to be over. and even though there have been times that i wanted nothing more than for this chapter to be over, now that it is closing, i'm sad. and i'm afraid that i'm too selfish, too set in my ways, too used to being spontaneous or independent or ...too fill-in-the-blank to be a good mom. these emotions are so weird and surprising to me.
and i want to go on one last vacation with david before we have our baby. we're talking about when we can do that. not sure if it will work out, etc. not only with time off work but financially. and even though i'm turbo saver, i want to go on this trip no matter what.